Hello….  yes, that’s right, I’m posting.  Two years after my goodbye post, or should i now say “last post”.  Even more can happen in two years.  The tour ended, and Ricky is on another tour right now as the main act, so i guess things really picked up for him.  After his tour, so about a year and a half ago I moved back to Eagle View. 

It’s a different place now.  My parents returned, which was great news I guess, although they won’t tell me where they’ve been all this time… or what happened.  I didn’t really want to ask at first, but now I just can’t handle not knowing.  I have my own place now, so i didn’t move back in with them.  It’s kind of weird having them back.  Things are really different between us now.  theres just too many questions un-answered.   I hadn’t talked to Pete in a year when I came back, which didn’t change when i came back to discover that he was gone.  I called his phone, but someone else answered, who knew nothing of Pete.  He said he bought the phone from a friend somewhere in Perth, so I don’t really have any leads on where Pete is or what happened to him. 

 I think i’ve found my purpose now.  After having people leave leave and disapear in my life, i’ve decided to join the missing person’s unit, which i’ve been taking a course for for about half a year. 

 I hope to find Pete one day, and I have been trying to find leads on where he’s gone, but he’s left nothing behind.  No way to trace him.  Sometimes I worry if he’s still alive.  I guess he and my parents swapped places, but the way my parents are now I’d rather have Pete around…

All together though I’m happier now.  I have a sense of belonging and feel as if I’m working towards a greater goal.  I have purpose and meaning…  I still don’t feel whole… Perhaps this is as good as it gets, perhaps this happiness I’m after, that were all after, is just wishful thinking, and unreachable.. 

Perhaps this is as good as it gets…..

It’s been a while since my last blog.  Around about two months.  I guess a lot can happen in two months…..

Ricky left town… I guess it was good for him though.  Maybe now he can make something of himself.  He offered me to go with him, so we’ve been touring for most of these two months.  It’s pretty good here on the bus, but I still feel terrible for leaving Pete behind.  He made it quite clear that he was angry with me this time, and didn’t really hide how he felt like last time.  It’s probably because this time I’m fully gone, whereas last time I only left school.  Both me and Ricky left Pete for good. 

We haven’t talked a lot since I left.  He has called a few times, but whenever I talk to him he sounds bitter, and kind of attacks me.  We haven’t talked in about 2 weeks now. 

Still no progress in saving the world.  I still haven’t found my purpose or a greater cause, but i still feel hopeful.  Being on tour is ok i guess, but i still don’t really feel like this is my place in the world.  Maybe I’m to young to be looking for a belonging, maybe I should just see how things play out.  i never liked waiting.  If I’ve learnt anything through my life it’s time is never on my side, and that you can’t count on time to heal everything.  It takes more…..  Waiting for my problems to solve themselves never works, and I just end up with… well….  What i already started with.  Leaving Eagle View was hard.  I visited the house before I left.  The emptiness still remained.  I was still glad i visited though, just for one last time before I packed up and left.  Just to remind me I guess.  To remind me of  home, and what a real home was like….

Things are going well with Ricky.  We’ve really been bought together these days.  I never really thought of Ricky as a father though.  He was more… well i guess like an uncle.  He knows as well as I do that he could never replace my parents, so he kind of drifts away from rules and boundries, and tries to be more of a friend or an equal than in charge.  The tour goes for another three months, and I plan to stick with Ricky.  he’s really the only person I’ve got left these days now that Pete and I aren’t really talking too much anymore, so I don’t really plan on leaving him. 

Anyway… Now that were on the road, a computer is hard to come by… so I guess this is  goodbye, to who evers reading.

Bye.

It’s been two weeks since my last blog.  Not much has changed I guess.  I’m beginning to feel distanced from being in this town and more open to the world since I started blogging.  I feel as if my mind has an outlet, somewhere for me to express my feelings and speak my mind.  I’m feeling more in-tune with the rest of the world, rather than the just the sounds of Eagle View.  I still haven’t told Pete or Ricky about my blog, and a plan to keep it that way.  I want to keep this blog separate from my real life, or more keep it away from my real world.  Although my blogs are a reflection of my real world and my life, I still feel distant from this world and Eagle View.  I know that fiction isn’t really a good coping mechanism, and distancing myself from my surroundings isn’t necessarily the best thing for me now… But I guess blogging just makes me feel connected to a greater populous.  So I guess it would be fair for me to distance myself from Eagle View if it was to make myself a part of something bigger…

 Still I don’t feel to be a part of anything bigger right now.  I’m more attached to the world but still I lack a cause or a purpose for being attached.  Maybe it’s not my place in the world to do great things or be a hero single-handedly,  but I still feel like i need to do something significant or to really be a part of something great.  Maybe I’ve finally given in to this curse of the ”small town” kids and now finally have big ambitions like everyone else around here.  I hate being predictable….

Pete’s been really down lately.  I think school’s been hard on him.  He says he’s gonna see it through, get in to a good college and never have to see this town again, and I kind of feel like I’ve made that harder for him by abandoning him.  I guess I would go back for him, but it’s just that now I’m so far behind, so i can’t really jump back in.  I was never really a model student anyway…  I don’t think Pete sees things the way I am.  He doesn’t seem to resent me in any way, and my early feelings the Pete was hiding his resentment have stopped, but still I can’t help feeling partly responsible for how Pete’s feeling right now……

 Ricky’s going really well on the other hand.  Last Tuesday a record label executive was checking out the store.  Ricky tells me this was around mid-day, so he wasn’t really expecting any customers.  When Ricky doesn’t think he’s going to have customers he usually just sits around and plays.  After the Exec figured out where Ricky was, he gave Rick his card.  You couldn’t really call this his big break, but it was progress… the most progress Ricky’s ever made anyway. 

 I know this is great news for Ricky, but I guess I’m just being selfish when i say i don’t want him to go.  He’s the closest thing I’ve got to family, or even a role model.  I shouldn’t think like this.  It’s a great opportunity for Ricky and who am I to stop him from his dreams.

 I still haven’t really figured out what my own dreams are..  But at least now i feel like amounting to something..i just have figure out what it is…

Ive been thinking about my parents a lot lately.  I think it might be why I started this blog.  I’ve been trying to remember all those little things they used to do.  All those little jokes my Dad used to make, or a home cooked meal (Ricky usually just orders something in), but I guess what i miss most is their love.  It’s the one thing i can never replace, or get out of my mind.  I can never stop thinking about what happened to them.  Were they kidnapped? Simply murdered for no reason? maybe on purpose…. or was it a suicide thing? these questions keep me awake some nights… but not as many nights as when I was still living in the house.  Sometimes I feel lost without them, like a little kid left behind at a train station, forgotten by his parents.  A sense of being forgotten seems to have been present through most of my life.  One place where I would’ve really preferred to be overlooked or forgotten was school. 

 School was hard for me.  It reinforced my feelings of loneliness, and being alone.  I never longed for companionship, however I would have rathered friends than enemies.  I do have one good friend however.  Pete Naymen has always been there for me.  It was always Me and Pete against the world.  The rest of the school was always against us as well, with pretty much everyone hating us.  We were never quite sure why we had been shunned and hated so much by everyone else.  I guess it’s just how school is; you can’t be on top without tearing others down.    the world can be a cold place at times, but our world was far colder.  At least when we were torn down, we always had each other to build us back up again.  Sometime I feel like I betrayed Pete.  I left him at that horrible school all by himself some time ago.  He never tells me, but I’m pretty sure Pete thinks less of me for leaving him there. 

Pete’s always had those big ambitions I’ve never had.  He plans on leaving Eagle view and becoming a famous writer.  He says his work is too personal for even me to read, so i really have no indication of his skills.  I’ve never really felt good enough to go after my dreams…. so i guess i admire Pete for that, but still Ifeel like he’s chasing after an unrealistic goal.  That’s another reason why i haven’t really chased after my dreams; i like to steer clear of dreams to big.  I liked to keep things simple and reachable, and i never liked chasing anything too far away. 

Pete and I weren’t always just Pete and Louis.  We used to be Pete, Louis and Cameron.  Cameron was much like me an Pete, but he was always a little darker than us.  He would often go on long rants about “conformists” and “plastic people”.  The kind of people me and Pete hate, but we never really liked to get too dark about it.  We figured it would be better just to lay low and under the radar, which in the end flying above the radar was why Cameron was no more.  About 3 years ago, when my parents were still here, the 3 of us were sitting in English class,..  well, I’d rather not go too far into detail, but we haven’t seen him since that day.  Although he wasn’t killed or badly injured, that day killed his soul.  He was like a shell of a person when we last saw him.  I don’t really like talking too deeply about what happened, and even to blog about it is still too painful. 

 Sometimes I feel this town has taken too much away from me; friends, family… but it’s times like theses that make me think of those few people i still have……… 

Hey everyone reading.

My name is Louis Green, and this is my first blog… ever.  I don’t quite know why I’m writing this blog, but today i felt compelled to just talk to someone, and this is about as close as I got.  I guess what I really needed was an outside observer; a feeling of being looked over by a complete outsider.  Someone who knows nothing about me.  So, stranger, let me tell you about myself.  I’m 16 and currently living in Australia, in a place known as Eagle View.  A small town in the mountains.  Not much really happens here, it’s a pretty dull town; a great place to die I guess.  I live inside a record store, on the second floor.  I know it sounds kind of strange, but I’m happy living there.  I live here with my uncle Ricky, a small time musician who never really got anywhere with his career, and settled down in a small town and opened up a record store.  I used to live in a large double storied house with my parents, but it was just too hard to bare all that empty space.  My parents were reported as missing two years ago, but I know there not coming back.  Around a year ago I gave up all that they were still out there.  Its no longer the fact that there gone that troubles me, but its more about confirmation.  I just wanna know what happened to them.  3 months after they were reported missing I moved in with Ricky, because as I said it was too big of a house.  It kept so much loneliness inside when everyone was gone that i just couldn’t really handle it anymore.  I needed someone like Ricky around in my life to help make me forget.  I dropped out of school about a year ago, and now I just help Ricky manage the record store.  It’s a simple job for me to sacrifice my future for, but I guess I never had those big ambitions of the usual small town boy.  I don’t plan on staying in this town forever.  One day I would like to leave this town, but as for now I’m staying right here.